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    4/19/2007

    我的不思进取


      三月的某天晚上,我参加一个颁奖典礼,穿着邋遢的便装念了篇发言稿,陪着些多半不认识的嘉宾枯坐了许久,终于从侧门遛达出去,点上一枝烟。那次颁奖会的举办地点是八一剧场,我在剧场南侧院子里昏暗的灯光下,依稀看到面前有一道黝黑高大的山墙。我突然意识到,墙那边就是万寿寺,王小波同名小说里,王二在“熟悉的气息和可疑的气味”中寻找丢失记忆的地方。
      不知为什么,当初我读《万寿寺》时,经常感觉进入了混沌的游戏场景。如果把薛嵩和红线的故事看作一个游戏,王二看作一个程序员,那么很多荒诞不经的段落就都顺理成章了。尽管这想法有些无聊,我还是在杂志上引了王小波的话写道:“‘一个人只拥有此生此世是不够的,他还应该拥有诗意的世界。’对很多人来说,这个世界就是游戏世界。”
      被某些人比作“21世纪的王小波”的冯唐是个资深游戏玩家,1996年他发表过一篇《构建个人游戏网络》,称“电子游戏的网络时代已经到来”。也是在那一年,我成了一本游戏杂志的编辑,直至今日,不思进取。
      我的不思进取由来已久,从理应发愤立志的少年时代起,我便学会了用大器晚成的例子来鼓舞自己,比如《三字经》里我最熟悉的不是开头两句,而是“苏老泉,二十七,始发愤”。等快到三十岁,我又想起鲁迅三十七岁才发表了《狂人日记》,并且预备好了四十、五十乃至七十得志的郑板桥、李卫公、姜子牙若干人等的事迹作为未来的励志素材。
      如今我蓦然发现,王勃、李贺、济慈、雪莱、叶赛宁、莫扎特们都没有活到我这个年龄。这一发现似乎是个提醒,在比早熟天才的人生略微漫长的岁月里,我们也只剩下为数不多的大器晚成的机会,而这个世界的更多时候,此起彼伏着破罐破摔的响动。

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    Feb. 15

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